Derek - to Amy....

Dear Amy,

My training is going very well, thank you, and I am getting excited for race day. As you may remember, I emailed you earlier about my desire to
1. Beat Ted
2. Drink yellow Gatorade during the ride without having to stop at 7-11 like I normally do
3. Eat oatmeal raisin cookies on the ride (life is short, and oatmeal raisin cookies must be the healthiest possible cookie, right?)

My desire to beat Ted has not waned, though I mostly just want to see him suffer, since his taunting has caused me so much suffering over the years. Knowing how taxing Ted can be on race coordinators (Victoria (09 - Hamptons) and Ashleigh (07 - Cape Cod) quit after Ted's races, Wanda (06 - Witchita) and Sheila (08 - Honduras) both had to be institutionalized for significant stints to calm their post-Ted nerves), I would guess that by this point you want me to make Ted suffer as well.

And yet, your most recent announcement reads (to me at least) like a personal rejection of my modest desires and a stubborn denial of our mutual interest. I politely request yellow Gatorade andoatmeal cookies for the ride, and you gleefully report that there will be orange G2 and bananas on the ride and all the cookies and yellow G2 you can shove down your throat on the run.

Amy, let's not forget that WE ARE ON THE SAME TEAM! Don't confuse me with Ted. As Reagan said: We have seen the enemy, and he is Ted. As the Bible says: KNOW THINE ENEMY (in this case, TED)!

Amy, I implore you: Yellow G2 and oatmeal cookies on the ride! We can do this!

On 3...BEAT TED!

Your ally,
Derek